You know when you get out of a relationship, or even a friendship – you will always miss the good times, sometimes even the bad. I started this blog so I have my own platform to write out my feelings. Granted if someone reads my posts and can relate with me, I’ll happily help someone who feels the same as me. I know I’m not the only one in this little corner.
I miss him. You know, his presence. He’s not gone, he’s still walking on this earth, doing the same things he would usually be doing. We’re still under the same sky, going through the same day and time.
But he’s not here with me. I miss him.
I miss when he smothers me in kisses in the morning. Not even just that, he gives me little kisses in between his sleep. Sometimes I would feel it, but many other times he would tell me I was sleeping so peacefully, I wouldn’t have notice. Those are the kisses I miss.
I miss when he helps me finish my food. We eat a lot, but I always overestimate my hunger and always end up with leftovers. But whenever I eat with him, I’m never worried about wasting food. He’s there to help me finish it.
I miss when he teases, bullies me. So many times where he would tease me and I pretend to get mad and give him my under bite lips. He always tells me to stop giving him the under bite but I know he likes that. The amount of times he would call me an asshole is countless, but I actually like when he’s like that instead of being lovey dovey all the time. He makes fun of the TV shows I watch as well. But he would still lie in bed with me for 3 hours watching them.
I miss when he makes sure I’m okay. You know, the messages that’s another sign of saying I love you. “Did you eat yet” “Good morning” “Goodnight” That kind of messages.
I miss when he would talk about his guitar making process. I’m not going to lie, 90% of the time I have no idea what he’s talking about. But seeing him so happy and excited when explaining to me what he’s building makes me happy. He goes back into being a kid when he does that.
I miss when he would randomly pick me up and hug me in public.
I miss when he lets me hook onto his bottoms when we go to sleep. He knows I’m afraid of being alone and hooking onto him makes me feel safer.
I miss when he’s having a hard day and how he would say he’s glad I’m there for him because that’s the best part of his day.
I miss when he calls me his honeymoon.
Most of all, I miss when he wasn’t afraid in telling me he loves me.
I won’t miss crying myself to sleep at night time. When I can only fall asleep because of how tired my eyes are from crying.
I won’t miss when the person I love, is okay in saying hurtful things to me, even if it’s just the act of a moment. Because every time its hurts just as much.
I won’t miss when I feel like I’m not good enough for anyone. When I’m not up to anyone’s standards.
The truth is, I’m in the middle of it right now. So I don’t know when I can ever say “Remember that time..” because that horrible time, is still happening now.
But I don’t resent him, or the relationship. With a single heartbeat, I’ll run back to him if he opened his arms for me.
And this is where I lose.