The past few weeks I’ve been fighting for something that eventually just wasn’t meant to be at the end.
That doesn’t mean I regret any of it. I’ve been called so many bad names the past few weeks but I’ve got to the point where I don’t care anymore. People judge without trying to understand you, and that’s fine. They don’t have to understand me, as long as I understand myself then that’s enough.
“People break up” “Move on” “Why are you doing this to yourself” “Cop on” “You’ll find someone better.”
Countless of these phrases were said to me almost every day for the past few weeks by different people.
I’m not hoping for anyone to understand me but please don’t feel like you have the right to tell me these things.
First, I don’t choose to be like this. Truth is, if I had a choice – I wish I was actually more cold hearted. But being able to feel all this, makes me who I am.
You know, at the end of the day, I still love him. I’m not going to lie, I’m aware there are other guys who are interested in me. But whats the point. I know most of you know how that feels. It feels empty without that one person. No matter how many else is around you.
When I say I’m hurting, I don’t mean physically. Every inch inside me is hurting. My heart aches the most at night when I start thinking about it. Sad to say but I can’t believe someone/something can actually make me fear the night time. I hate sleeping at night now because that’s when I feel the heartaches the most. I get so afraid when I have to go back to my room at the end of the day.
I know, people break up, I move on, I’ll forget about it. It’s not as easy as it sounds. The hardest part is knowing that the other people has moved on to another person as well.
I’m sure many people have felt the tug before.. If you haven’t, I really hope you don’t ever have to experience that.
This has been giving me panic attacks. Anxieties.
And I never want to feel like this again.
Loving someone that doesn’t love you. They say its karma, for not loving back the right person.
He’s not a bad person. I am. He really is an outstanding guy. I’ll always love him. And fuck, I miss him.
“My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep, for both are infinite.” – Romeo & Juliet, W.S.