As more days pass by I realise how fortunate I am to be surrounded by friends that genuinely care. People that can see right through me even when I put up an act.
I was in work the other day, I thought I was being my usual self. A close friend, and colleague of mine emailed me from his desk and said I sounded different, don’t know if anyone else picked it up, but I sounded different and he asked if I was okay. Little things like that make me realise, stop focusing on the people that doesn’t care, when there are people who cares about you around you.
I never make New Years Resolution as I don’t believe in that kind of to do list. However, this year I created one and only one thing was on the list.
- Be Happy.
The past few months has been a train wreck. A rollercoaster ride that I’m still on. I can’t even remember my longest record for not crying for a few days in a row. Crying seems so normal now. Being upset is my “I’m fine, just the usual” definition. That doesn’t mean I have a miserable sulky life though, I’m aware I’ll be okay. It’s just a phase. Sometimes we have to grasp onto this phase and just appreciate everything else.
Close friends of mine know the truth about me. I feel terrible for making people worry, however I also appreciate their presence and concern.
If you read my posts from before, you’ll know I was going through a terrible heartbreak. Still to this day, I’m still going through it. I figured I should embrace it rather than sweeping it under the rug.. Everyone has to go through this in their life time. I’m not afraid of love, or what it can do. Being able to choose love even after everything, makes me a stronger person. As I still choose the more difficult path rather than neglecting and choosing the easier way.
Many distant friends who knew about the break up will ask me “Still? It’s been so long.” Whereas my close friends, they don’t question anything.
I’m not in a rush to meet new people or in a hurry to get a new boyfriend. That doesn’t really matter to me.. For example, I was asked to go on a date today. I bailed. Even if it was just hanging out as friends, I wasn’t in the mood for it. It’s not something I want to pursue.
I always lived by the motto follow your heart, its tattooed on me as a reminder. A strong relationship needs a strong bond to work, but even then, it still takes time to build a strong connection based on that.
So I believe in myself as well as that special someone. Following my heart may be foolish but its worth it.